New Life, Update 1

Well, it’s official. I’ve started my new life. I’ve started hanging out with old friends again, many of which I had abandoned during a bad time in my life. And now, I have a new friend at work. This girl is crazy. I can’t find a more accurate word to describe her. She talks to herself. Dances along with the horrible music playing over the loudspeakers, she purposely contradicts me just to mess with me. Every time I go into work, I find a new reason to stay a little while longer. New bagger girls are hired and every time I see one that catches my interest, I have to get to know them a little more. For instance, one girl, Brittney, is a very flirtatious girl at times. Although, I believe she led me on to get to my co-worker, Joe. We later found out that she is the daughter of our store director. Good thing I steered clear of her. Yikes! The next girl caught me off guard. I was facing aisle six at the time when I finally got the courage to say something to her. While straightening up the dish soap, I notice at the complete opposite end of the aisle, someone out of the corner of my eye. There she is. She was putting overstocked items back on the shelves. One such item was an out of code carpet cleaner spray can. I could see she was reading something on the cap, but I couldn’t see what it was from where I was facing. So I continue, thinking: Maybe she’ll come this way and I’ll give her a smile. She had other plans for me. There is absolutely no way someone could take that long to look for something. I can see her looking at me through the corner of my eye. So after a couple more minutes, I go over there to ask what she’s looking for. I look around the shelves for it wondering if we even carry it anymore. That’s when I saw it. The big, bright orange label that read DO NOT SELL across it. As soon as I read it, she gave me what seemed like a fake surprised look, as if she had already known that it read DO NOT SELL, and she was just trying to get me over there. Later that night, on my way out for break, I see her again. Now, writing this blog entry about a week later after this happened, I can’t recall what the second item I helped her find was, but after that, I realized that I didn’t know her name. I was hoping she would come back into my aisle again so that I could ask her. No luck. She left before I got off work to ask her.

Later on, I tell my buddy, Mark about all of this. He doesn’t know who she is. He left the front end as a cashier to be a stocker before she was hired. So instead, he asked his girlfriend, Kelli, who mentioned that this girl (who I later learned the name of from a cashier, Rich, and then by later asking her in person), Julia, got into trouble a lot. She is said to constantly cheat on her boyfriends. Also, a story she told me was that one night, while drunk, she yanked the steering wheel from her sober boyfriend and caused the car to hit a tree. Now, considering the source, the same source who told me Mark had quit (he still works there), I think I will take my chances with getting to know her, although, I will proceed with caution as Mark has warned. Mark is a good friend, possible one of the best friends I’ve ever had. He doesn’t want to see me get hurt and he tells me I deserve a good girl. So I will take his advice with this.

At this rate, I am bound to have a Jewel-Osco romance during my time working there…

At school, we had to attend an assembly. Jason Evert, maybe you’ve heard of him. He came in to talk to our school about Chastity. He pointed out numerous things about respect to women and to ourselves. He basically showed us that there are still the innocent, pure girls out there that long to be revered. After losing much respect for many of the girls at school and at others, I am slowly beginning to gain it back. Something changed me. Now, I no longer like a girl according to looks. Although, it still, inevitably and unfortunately, plays a part in my decision.his seminar really helped change me. Sadly, it did not seem to help my ex-friend, Jason. He mocked so much of the seminar. He couldn’t take anything seriously. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m on the road to some form of recovery. The next step is to go on the Kairos retreat coming up in January. Perhaps Kairos will give me the outlook on life I’ve been looking for. Perhaps my confidence and respect for people will increase. Maybe, just maybe, Kairos will help me to be a better person.

Until next update,

Good Night…

Dreaming…

We’ve all known one. For guys it’s always the one girl who’s always just out of your reach. For girls, it’s the exact opposite. So who is this girl for me? This girl is the epitome of perfection. She is the definition of beauty, lust, mischief and a plethora of other things. So how did it all start? In sophomore year, during lunch, I saw her walking by my table. At the time, I thought nothing of it. But then, in junior year, I had her in my second semester religious studies class. I sat across from her, facing her. Complete beauty. Perfect proportions all around. Although, like many other girls, shorter than me, but nonetheless, stunning. Blonde hair, usually tied in a pony tail. Blueish eyes. Perfect smile. Sexy everything else. I had never mustered up enough courage to talk to her or even say ‘hi’ to her.

For the next couple months, I spent my first period class just glancing back and forth towards her. It was beginning to become a little ridiculous, and I wondered whether or not anyone had ever noticed me doing this, beside my best friend Mike, that is. And then it happened. One morning. I come in to class half asleep as always. I hadn’t looked up at her until about halfway through class. When I do look up… her eyes are a little puffy. She doesn’t look content or indifferent. She looks sad and upset. I push it out of my mind at first, and then I look up once more to see that she’s crying! She has her right hand trying to cover her face from the front of the room while she wipes her tears with the other. She looks up. To this day, I’m not certain whether or not she was looking up at me or in my general direction. Nonetheless, there she is. Tears filling her eyes. They look even more glassy than they did before. I wanted to ask her if she was alright, but there was something when she looked up that told me to back off and not say a word. Perhaps she wanted to be left alone. Later that day, I overheard a few of her friends talking about her. Apparently she had been crying over her now ex-boyfriend. She broke up with him because she thought he was abusive, judging from the seminar we had in the chapel the previous morning. She must’ve told him after school and the effects of it still got to her the next day. Soon after all of that, I discover that she is going back out with him. I’ll never know if he was really abusive or not. But in that brief period of time when I witnessed her cry, I felt as helpless as I will ever feel and yet I had the uncontrollable urge to console her even though I had not met her.

Then the summer arrived. I had not seen her for at least three months. That is until I saw her and my old friend from grade school. My old friend was asking me how I was doing. So I told her I had been doing alright. I told her I went to Lollapalooza for all three days and saw Daft Punk and Muse. But all the while, I stood frozen, unable to look at or even say hi to my dream girl. I don’t exactly understand the problem. But the only kind of expression I gave her was a nod when I said goodbye to my old friend. Oh well. Just another failed attempt at happiness with women for me. Until next time I see her… I don’t know when that will be. She doesn’t seem like the type that would stay close to home for college. So if our paths are meant to cross again, then we will meet again sometime later in life. And if something is meant to happen between us, then it will happen. Until those moments, I suppose I will continue to dream about her. These dreams are filled with happiness and a version of her that I sometimes fail to see. Perhaps the dream version is just that. Only a dream.

Until next time, everyone!

I am the new minion…

They call us “facers”. Our job is to make sure all the items on the shelves are facing the right way (main logos outwards towards the aisles) and to make sure all items are in the right place. I came unexpectedly, and sometimes with some people I fear I will stay here unwelcome. I tried for a month and a half to get my job back at Jewel. I know, Jewel isn’t exactly the best place to work, but when you’re seventeen and have applied at about twenty-three other places that haven’t hired you or even acknowledged that you put in an application, going back to the one job you quit starts to look pretty good. I tried to get back into bagging… I thought maybe I could work towards being promoted to cashier. But apparently they hired too many new baggers already. So instead, I was sent to the grocery section as a facer. A promotion from facing will land you a job in Stock. I went in last Monday, and Marty, the manager, hired me right on the spot. I took over hours that were left open by people who had quit or been fired. Now it is my fourth day, and things are starting to settle in more. The strange thing is that I am working along side with my ex-girlfriend , Kristen. We broke up a little over a year ago. She has been dating one of my best friends also for a little over a year now. But I’m getting along with her. I never liked to hold grudges against anyone. I just don’t see a point to it. Tonight, I was finally included in a glorious act of male bonding that happens a few days after you start a job. As many male bonding experiences also consist of, this one consisted of and started because of women. Stark walked down the aisle with a smile across his face, shaking his head. He tells Ryan and I about a very sexy blond with a short skirt down aisle one. We were down aisle eight. Soon enough she walked by. Magnificent. Simply amazing. Gorgeous. She was a beautiful blond about–I’d say about 5′6″. Long legs. Cute face. Black top. Black, short skirt. Incredible. We all continued to talk of her and the general subject of hot women.

Earlier that night…

I get out of my car and start walking towards Jewel. I am about to start work. I get closer to the door when I see a beautiful, sexy light brunette walking by with someone who could have been her boyfriend, father, brother, friend, who knows. I look at her walk by. She looks at me through her sunglasses. We look away. Then we look back. This continues over the next twenty or so steps – no I didn’t actually count my steps, I was simply making a guess. Stunning. I have never had such a beautiful girl, for lack of a better term, “eye-fuck” me the way she did. We were making eyes at each other. There were sparks. I wonder if I will ever see her again. Flirting doesn’t come easy to me. But that was easy. Eye contact. The easiest form of communication, acknowledgment, appreciation, love, flirting, lust, infatuation, attraction, etc. I felt like a pro doing that. I have been losing weight and may have appeared more attractive to her by some slim chance. I am not, in my own opinion, the most handsome guy in the world. I’ve never had girls come up to me and say something along the lines of a compliment about my looks. Needless to say, my confidence with girls is shit. So this little event of mine was a great confidence booster that set the whole night of work into a very enjoyable experience.

That’s all for tonight. Until next time everyone!

Goodnight.

Senior Year is near…

Hey peoples!

So today I received my senior year schedule in the mail. For three years, I haven’t had a single class with my oldest friend, Jason. But this year, just when our friendship seems to be rockiest, we get three classes in a row together. Go figure! When we’re great friends we don’t get any of the same classes. But when we argue, we get classes.

My friend Mike is in Indiana with his dad for a few more days. Sometimes I have trouble trusting what he says or what he talks about because he’s very talented at lying and debating. Sometimes I think that whenever – if ever – I catch him when he’s either wrong or lying, he’ll use his debating skills to talk me out of it. It’s like his own fuckin’ jedi mind power! There you go. That was probably, and hopefully, my only Star Wars reference for my time on WordPress.

I am in need of money. In August, I am going Downtown to Lollapalooza. I have to pay back my parents for my three day pass and my parking spot at school for senior year. That’s $400! Two hundred for the tickets and two hundred for the parking space. I also need to make $200 for all the merchandise and food I will most likely purchase at Lollapalooza. So needless to say, I need a job. For two months, I’ve been applying everywhere trying to find a job. But no one bothered to call me back. So I went to Jewel. I worked at Jewel before, but that was when there was this manager there who made my time there a living hell. In my own opinion, school is more important than work. Apparently Janice, my old manager, didn’t have the same opinion. So I quit Jewel in Novermber 2006 and I’ve been unemployed ever since. Only a day or two more until Jewel calls me back for re-hiring. I talked to the Grocery-Manager: Marty. He said he remembers me, has heard the other managers talking about me and said that if the Front End (bagging, cashiers, carts, etc.) wont take me back, then he’ll hire me. Works for me! I wouldn’t mind working in Grocery. It seems easy enough. All I have to do is keep everything in stock and make sure all the labels are facing the right way right? So I’ll see how that turns out.

Well, I’m kinda tired now, It’s been a long day, and I’m about ready to go to sleep.

Goodnight world!

Hello, Everyone!

Hi everyone! My name is Jeff. I’m still a little new to the whole blog world right now. My only experience with internet interactive society is MySpace, and for me at least, that’s getting old. So i’ve begun to expand my boundaries. I’m venturing out into the world wide web as an explorer. I want to be a writer of some kind. I figure this blog with help me build up my writing skills. Right now my blog is under construction as i figure out how to add more pages to it and new sections. So bear with me people.

To be honest with everybody, i have no idea who the hell is even going to look at my blog. I know many people will probably stumble upon it thinking that I’m someone else. Or maybe they just navigated and accidentally clicked to my page. I don’t really know. I don’t know if i have anything to offer on this blog. Maybe an opinion or maybe a new perspective for someone. If I can feel that I made some kind of impact or dent in someone’s life, then I’ll feel like I made an accomplishment in my life.

I have to say, I think I may be one of the few people I know of that has a blog in high school. No one else I know wants to take the time to actually use the Internet for this purpose. Most people I know will use it for watching videos on YouTube.com or looking for porn at countless locations. Almost everyone I know uses it to download music or at least listen to music. Some of them play games all day on it. Others shop. I can’t say that I haven’t done all of these things myself. But I can say that I’m one of the few people I know that would even take action and make a blog.

I want to do a lot of things in my life. Almost none of which I am prepared to do. For instance. I’m gonna share a little secret with you. I’ve only had one girlfriend in my life. Currently I am seventeen. I will be eighteen in September. That one and only girlfriend lasted only a month. We both mutually split up, but it still fucked me up. I was depressed about it. I’ve never been too confident with myself. I’ve never been much of a ladies man. Let me put it this way: I have bad luck with women. Like most guys, I can’t understand them at times. I can’t get inside their heads and try to figure out what makes them tick… I can’t read them. I dunno… maybe it’s all part of being seventeen. Maybe I’ll learn how to eventually. Maybe my luck with women will improve. I don’t know. I’ll have to see where my life leads me. I think I’ve said enough. For now anyway…

Until next time everybody!

-Jeff